Stray Bullets
Having served over thirty years in the RUC / PSNI I was medically retired with CPTSD. Dissociative Identity Disorder also evolved in me as a residue of CPTSD. I wrote a novel, 'The Bitter End of Dreams', through which I hoped to reflect the experiences of working class folk caught in the grip of a sectarian conflict. I set my story in Belfast, but replaced the Judeo-Christian god with that of Mithras. I also gave Northern Ireland an extra county. Such counterfactual alterations opened up for me the opportunity to place my story deep within the NI Troubles without being shackled to specific timelines, events and real people - thus avoiding the risk of libelling anyone, while being able to write a story, familiar to many, and retaining a sense of place and the tragedy of the Troubles. I'm going to talk openly about elements of policing the Troubles, religion, politics, sectarianism and our toxic ideologies. I've explored these topics in my novel, as well as the placing of actual events and atrocities; albeit heavily disguised or deeply submerged in subtext.To better frame my thoughts I will, firstly, discuss each chapter in sequence before reading that chapter. In this way I should be able to complete a spoken word version of my novel while using the opportunity it provides to elaborate on its creation process in the context of the NI Troubles.Thank you.
*Apologies to the many folks who conversed with me on several social media platforms. Due to the level of hate, including threats, from ex-RUC colleagues I've decided to stay off social media and the like. I'm very dismayed by such reaction, but, in hindsight, no longer surprised.*
Stray Bullets
In Bloody Protest For A Glorious Thing Part II
In Part II of 'In Bloody Protest For A Glorious Thing' I continue my thoughts on militant Republicanism in the context of 'Heroic-Sacrifice' and a mythic past to which the Patriot Dead added their names for 'Ireland's freedom'.
Ultimately what I wanted to do was look at the literary and historical sources extant in Irish Republicanism which informed its evolving ideology as well as providing PIRA volunteers with the mental tools whereby they could quite happily someone like myself while feeling wholly justified and unconcerned.
Maybe the oppressed learn from the brutal methodology of their oppressor? One thing I have come to understand - a long time ago - is that our conflict, the Troubles, is far from simply black and white. The interpretations of who is on the 'Good side' as opposed to who is on the 'bad side' is very subjective and depends on the narrator at the time.
This was an incredibly difficult episode for me to assemble, construct, and complete. My mental health took a bit of a bashing, but I think it remains therapeutic in some way?
Anyway, thank you again for your generosity of interest. In the next episode I would like to recount several occurrences which happened to me while in the RUC, but which may be a little more light-hearted than those proceeding.
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