Stray Bullets
Having served over thirty years in the RUC / PSNI I was medically retired with CPTSD. Dissociative Identity Disorder also evolved in me as a residue of CPTSD. I wrote a novel, 'The Bitter End of Dreams', through which I hoped to reflect the experiences of working class folk caught in the grip of a sectarian conflict. I set my story in Belfast, but replaced the Judeo-Christian god with that of Mithras. I also gave Northern Ireland an extra county. Such counterfactual alterations opened up for me the opportunity to place my story deep within the NI Troubles without being shackled to specific timelines, events and real people - thus avoiding the risk of libelling anyone, while being able to write a story, familiar to many, and retaining a sense of place and the tragedy of the Troubles. I'm going to talk openly about elements of policing the Troubles, religion, politics, sectarianism and our toxic ideologies. I've explored these topics in my novel, as well as the placing of actual events and atrocities; albeit heavily disguised or deeply submerged in subtext.To better frame my thoughts I will, firstly, discuss each chapter in sequence before reading that chapter. In this way I should be able to complete a spoken word version of my novel while using the opportunity it provides to elaborate on its creation process in the context of the NI Troubles.Thank you.
*Apologies to the many folks who conversed with me on several social media platforms. Due to the level of hate, including threats, from ex-RUC colleagues I've decided to stay off social media and the like. I'm very dismayed by such reaction, but, in hindsight, no longer surprised.*
Stray Bullets
The Gulf In The Eye Of The Other
In this episode I recount a sniper attack upon a joint army / RUC foot patrol in West Belfast. To better relate the incident I have characterised both state and non-state actors. I have also used a narrative framework to provide a clearer image of those involved. This account is lifted from personal involvement as well as information available to me at the time, and later. As ever, names and some details have been omitted or altered.
The primary characters in this episode are:
Dee - a member of a PIRA Belfast Active Service Unit
Samuel - a British Army a PFC based in Springfield Road RUC Station, Belfast
Sandy - a RUC neighbourhood officer stationed in Springfield Road RUC
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Law in the Country of Cats
When two men meet for the first time in all
Eternity and outright hate each other,
Not as a beggar-man and a rich man,
Not as cuckold-maker and cuckold,
Not as bully and delicate boy, but
As dog and wolf because their blood before
They are aware has bristled into their hackles,
Because one has clubbed the other to death
[...]
When two men at first meeting hate each other
Even in passing, without words, in the street,
[...]
There will be that moment's horrible pause
As each looks into the gulf in the eye of the other,
Then a flash of violent incredible action,
Then one man letting his brains gently to the gutter
[...]
Ted Hughes
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